Coming to an end

Tonight as I sit here and contemplate my life for the past 3 months, I can't even express the change that has happened in me. I have to laugh at myself because I think to myself, "How much can you really change in such a short time?" To others it may not seem that I have changed at all. But I know, in my heart there has been a change.

I came to Arizona on a whim because I needed a job. I expected to get close to the family, but I never really realized the impact they would have on me. I spent the last 3 months taking care of children that sure are cute, but the more time I spend with them, the more I realize that I really love these kids. They drive me absolutely crazy at times, and yet the moment they give you a big smile, or say, "Hi Big Kaytlin" with a warm loving smile, all of the crazy things don't really seem to matter anymore.

I thought it would be pretty easy to leave because of how stressful the job has been, but in all honesty, I'm not ready to let these kids go. It makes my heart hurt to think of how much I'll miss out on with them. I've watched these little kids grow a little older. I even got excited when Kaitlin went potty on the toilet! And the boys have changed so much already since I first got here. I have seen them go from little blobs that don't do anything, to little blobs that smile back at you and have the cutest little laughs. I don't want to miss those first words, those first steps. But at the same time, I know I still have to move on with my life.

I want to have a family of my own where I don't just have 3 months with them. I want a family where I get to see all those little moments that are so precious.

That is what I have learned in being here. I always feared that I would fail as a mother. And although all of those fears will never disappear, I've realized that you can only do your best. You'll have your moments where you struggle and you want to give up, but you don't because you can't. I've observed that it doesn't matter how much of a screw up you feel like, your kids will love you anyways. They'll eventually forget that time you were short with them or put them in time out, but they won't forget the time you spent with them playing tea party, or the love that you showed them on a daily basis.

I have a new found respect not just for my mother, but for all mothers and all of the love and dedication they give to their families. It's not an easy job. It's no wonder that there's a day just for them!

But I'm so thankful that this opportunity was given to me here with this family. There will forever be a place in my heart for them. And although I may not know the next time I'll see them, I know that sometime, someday, I'll be able to come back and see what wonderful people they've grow up to be.

My Sister

I am so thankful for my sister and her family. As you know now, I'm in Arizona and I wasn't going to be able to go home for Thanksgiving or for Christmas. Now don't get me wrong, I love spending it with family, but I figured it would be better for me to save the money than to try and fly back for a few days. And I also figured, I'm a big girl, I can handle a couple holidays without being home.

And it's true, I can but man was I excited when I found out my sister would be moving to Arizona and would be here for Thanksgiving and Christmas!! I spent both holidays with her last year and I had a fantastic time. So this year I decided that I'd see if we could do it again.. and what do you know, we are!

So tomorrow I will be driving up to Phoenix to spend time with my sister and all of her family and in-laws. It may not be all of my family, but I love and appreciate her letting me have a little getaway to see them. :)

Technology

Ok, here's the deal. I honestly wanted to write everyday about something that I'm thankful for. And then it happened. Out internet was completely out for the entire weekend. It drove me nuts. So that's why I'm thankful for technology. I never realized how much I relied on it.

Of course I have my Facebook that I check everyday, e-mails, blogs, etc. But I never realized how much I use it for everything else. Much of my life revolves on the internet. If I don't need something.. Oh, let me google it. Oh, I want to know what the weather's going to be for the week.. Let me check my weather app on my computer, that runs off the internet. Even contacting my family. I use Skype all the time! But there was none of that either!

So I am SOOOOO thankful for modern technology, specifically the internet, that helps me get through my days. :)

Perspective

Today I'm thankful to be put into situations that give me the opportunity to learn and grow and develop a new perspective on something that you originally had a negative perspective of.

Today Mary took Kaitlin to her school that she goes to on Tuesdays and Thursdays. This is usually the time Mary takes to get things like shopping or other activities done. She definitely needs the break, and I'm happy to let her relax and get out of the house for a few hours.

I was a little worried because Joe has been having a super hard time lately with his colic and hadn't had the best week so far. But Mary left and Ben was actually awake. I decided I wanted to get some stuff done around my room so I brought him in while I got ready for the day, (which I NEVER do anymore). He sat on his little mat and watched all the toys light up and was so happy.

He was getting sleepy, so I put him in the bouncer so I could straighten my hair and bounce at the same time. He fell asleep and then Joe woke up soon after. He was such a happy baby! I fed him a bottle and he sat and listened to Christmas music with me while I did all my laundry and picked up my room. He started getting sleepy so I put his bouncer in the kitchen by the fan, (his favorite thing ever) He slept there for almost 3 1/2 hours. It was glorious! I got everything I needed to get done.

He woke up as happy as a clam and I was able to spend some time with just Joe and I. And let me tell you, that little boy absolutely melted my heart today. It's days like these that I can see myself having a baby. Where you just sit and cuddle with them. When all they do is look up at you with their big blue eyes and smile and laugh at you. Yep, it's situations like really allow you to have a different perspective on things. I mean how can you not love this little guy? (I guess these moments make all the screaming and waking up in the middle of the night worth it).

Scriptures

Today (but not just today) I am so thankful for scriptures. It seems that no matter how hard of a time you're having, the moment you start doing the little things, (reading scriptures, saying prayers) everything is ok. It gives you so much comfort, and direction. I have no doubt that the scriptures are true. The testimony that I have of them continues to be strengthened each and every time I read them.

And just to further strengthen my testimony of the scriptures here's a quote from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland that hits me every time I read it.

"In this their greatest—and last—hour of need, I ask you: would these men blaspheme before God by continuing to fix their lives, their honor, and their own search for eternal salvation on a book (and by implication a church and a ministry) they had fictitiously created out of whole cloth?... No wicked man could write such a book as this; and no good man would write it, unless it were true and he were commanded of God to do so... I hope I have a few years left in my “last days,” but whether I do or do not, I want it absolutely clear when I stand before the judgment bar of God that I declared to the world, in the most straightforward language I could summon, that the Book of Mormon is true, that it came forth the way Joseph said it came forth and was given to bring happiness and hope to the faithful in the travail of the latter days."

It's technically a string of quotes, but I suggest you read the whole talk. It is absolutely amazing.

Here's to the scriptures, I truly am so thankful.

Sleeping Babies

Ok. So technically for me, it's not Tuesday anymore, but it is in California still.. so this will still count!

Today I am SO thankful that the babies slept well today. Mary was out of the house and it was up to myself and Elisa (one of the other nannies) to fend for ourselves with the 3 kids. It's not so bad if you have just the twins, or just Kaitlin. It's the combination of both.

So, where Kaitlin is still more comfortable with Elisa, I was on baby duty. They were waking up alternately for a while, but then there was silence. No baby was crying. Kaitlin wasn't crying. It was a true napping house. the babies slept almost 2.5 hours, as well as Kaitlin. Elisa and I were able to sit and actually have time to ourselves!!! This never happens I tell you. Not during the day at least.

So we had some girl time watching Dear John and enjoying our lunch with no distractions. I can only hope for more days like this!

The Meyers

I'm so thankful for the Meyer family. They have been such an amazing family to live/work with. They have 3 children that I watch. Kaitlin, and the twins, Joseph and Benjamin.

I moved down to Arizona after getting a call from Mary asking if I was interested in nannying. I was so excited. I had always wanted to nanny and I knew it would be perfect! So I packed myself up and drove down to Arizona. I've been here for a little over a month now and other than the whole working 24/5 (I get Saturdays and Sunday "day" off) it's been great. Mary and I are a lot a like, and we get along great.

They have made me feel so welcome here, as if I'm really a part of their family. We always have good conversations, and have actually had multiple conversations about the church. Will it ever turn into something more? Who knows. But.. I have tried to plant a little seed in Kaitlin. At nights, when I put her down, we always sing "Popcorn Popping". She loves it! I've also introduced her to "Once There Was a Snowman", but it's just not as effective when the girl has never seen snow. :)

But here's to the Meyers: Mary, Dan, Kaitlin, Joe and Ben, I love you all and I'm so thankful for everything you have done for me!

(Hopefully I'll get pictures of them soon.)

Thankful

Today I was able to hear from our amazing prophet, President Thomas S. Monson. He spoke at our regional stake conference broadcast. I love listening to him speak. He has such a way of talking that even though it was time to go, I wanted to hear more! His topic was about being thankful and showing gratitude. The whole time he was speaking I was thinking about having an "Attitude of Gratitude". I absolutely love this topic, because although you can feel thankful for things, I know for myself, I definitely don't show/say it as much as I should. So I decided that for the next few weeks, until Thanksgiving, I want to (try) and write everyday about something that I'm grateful for.

1. I'm so thankful for my family. I think that the older I get and the further we get from each other, the more I realize how much I truly am thankful for them. It doesn't matter how much we drive each other crazy when we're all together in one place, I love them. Especially my parents. My parents are the best parents in the world. I'm so thankful for them putting up with me, because Heaven knows that I was definitely a hard teenager. They know my weaknesses and I'm so grateful that they knew those, so that they can help me when hard times come.

I'm grateful that I have such a close family. We love each other, and I could ask for a better one.

Boys boys boys.. And a photoshoot

I've thought about looking back on my blog and reading about how many times I've talked about boys. But I decided not to, and I'll still write about them. I feel like there is a pattern in my life when it comes to boys, me, and being here at school. Last semester I was having my own little pity party because boys weren't interested in me.

I decided to get over and make the best of it. And that's precisely what I did. I have been probably the happiest I've been in the longest time. I'm where I want to be in my life and it feels great.. and then boys happen. I mean I'm still extremely happy but it always seems that mid-spring semester boys flock. It's not like one guys comes around.. they come in groups.. Without getting into too much detail, let's just say that this well be an interesting next month or so! :)

And on a little side note, my friend Johnathan has been trying to start up a little photography business so he asked if I could do some portraits for him.. Here they are!

To My Mom

Today is my mom's birthday. I absolutely love my mom. I'm so glad I was able to see her this past weekend. But I wanted to write a few of my favorite things about her.

• She has always been one of my biggest supporters. She has been to so many games and performances, there's no way I could have done it without her.
• She's so patient. I probably wasn't the easiest teenager, and I know that. She definitely had to have a lot of patience to deal with me.
• She is an amazing example. She has always lived the life that I aspire to have when I grow up.
• Last but not least, she has become one of my best friends. I always used to find it so weird that my sister and my mom were so close. My sister said that if she could have a trip to anywhere and could take one of her best friends, she said she'd take our mom. I laughed at that, but the more I've grown closer to her, the more I realize that I feel the same way.

So here's to my mom..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!

Trend

I've noticed a trend in my posts. I don't post, and ten when I go home or something big happens, that's when I write. So I suppose the trend will continue for now.

I was able to go home again and had a blast. I feel bad because I never real spend much time at my actual home. I usually spend my time with my friends that I enjoy spending time with. THis trip was no different.

This weekend was spent with friends, but I mostly spent time with one of my friends Jed. He's hilarious and an absolute blast. We spent most of the time watching movies and with each other's families. He came and spent Sunday with my family and went out to put the flowers on my grandparents graves, and then I went out to his home town to spend some time with his family and celebrate his grandma's birthday.

I had a great time! I was tired the entire weekend because when I come home I tend to stay out all hours of the night, and sleep until noon. But overall it was a great trip!

No pictures.. Oh well. :)

Life decisions

Trying to decide what to do with my life is definitely taking a toll on me. I’m so confused on what I want to do with my life right now. After this semester I’m off-track which means that I have to decide where I will be. I don’t want to go home because there’s nothing there for me anymore other than my family. The job market is non-existent and I have no desire to be there for any length of time. I would love to go back to Milwaukee and live with Kara and her family and work at the corporate office again, but there’s no guarantee that there is a job for me there anymore. Then I have the option of studying abroad. When I come back there is no one here for me. My best friend/roommate, Brennan, for the past two years is leaving to go to Weber. My other roommate is getting married, and I just see myself as having nothing holding me back. Then again, do I just want to study abroad or would I rather take my summer and just travel abroad. See the world! There are so many options and I never realized how stressed I get when I actually talk about it with someone. But I know, that if I keep doing what I’m supposed to and I put my trust in the Lord, he will guide me to what I’m supposed to do.

Mother's Day/Weddings!

I was able to go home for Mother's Day and I had a blast! It was nice to go home and be with family. It's amazing how much more you appreciate the time you get to spend with your family when you grown up and leave the nest.

I know I don't always spend as much time as possible with them when I'm home because there are also friends that I like to go hang out with. But the time that we do spend together is awesome.

Not only was it Mother's day, but it was also my best friend Jordan's wedding. I've never had a friend get married before that was very close to me, so it was an interesting experience to see my best friend walking down the aisle. I got a little choked up as I watched her look into the face of the man that she was in love with. She was so happy, and I hope nothing but the best for her!

I was also able to spend some time with some friends that I've missed greatly. We got together both Friday and Saturday night, had some barbecue, played some pool and watched some movies! I had a great time, and I can't wait for this weekend when I head down again!

(I was also able to get some good pictures of me with my parents. I don't know the last time I got pictures with my dad, but I have some now!)

Jed and I went four-wheeling

(I know these upcoming ones are on my sidebar, but I like them)

Finals

I'm sitting here studying for finals today. I have already taken 3, hoping to have gotten good enough grades to maintain my A's. So as I sit here.. I have to think to myself, "Why in the world do they do finals?"

It's not like they're a REAL interpretation of what we have learned over this past semester. In all reality, it's more show of what someone can cram study for the night before for hours on end. Not to say that I haven't learned things this semester, but really teachers, you're fooling yourselves if you really think that I actually learned (and understood) what ATP is and what it does and who Vladimir Zworykin is. Silly teachers.

Oh Rexburg

Rexburg is seriously such a tease. Like so many guys here, it likes to make you think it's all warm (hot) and awesome.. and then you see it for what it truly is.. a cold desolate (hearted) place (person). So, that might be a joke, I haven't really found guys like that here. They're actually all pretty nice. But Rexburg still teases. It makes you believe that Spring actually has a chance to show through, and then it freezes over in a bed of cold, white, frozen water.

Yesterday, was that day. It looked like a bit of a stormy day, but nothing that looked too bad. As I sat in my work office, I looked out the window and saw a flurry of hellacious snow. It was going in all directions causing havoc to the poor students that were left outside to walk in it. When I got done with work. I put on my hood, and headed out. With snowflakes the size of 1/2 dollars, it took approximately 5 flakes to completely ruin what used to be my straight hair. I walked into my apartment, looking like a wet dog, put my bag down and went straight into the bathroom. I wrung my hair out and continued to blow dry and straighten it.

Dang you Rexburg..

I suppose one of the things that make going through days like this worth it, is to capture days like this...

* I suppose I'll put up with you.. for now.

Life as I know it

As it comes to the end of my semester, I realize, yet again I have failed to show the excitement that happens in my life. I really have to say that I feel bad for anyone who doesn't have my life. It doesn't get any better. Ok. So that could possibly be a HUGE exaggeration, but this semester has happened.

This semester has been filled with broken friendship, confusion, anxiety, frustration, roommate arguments.. and all other things you can possibly imagine. I never thought that I would ever go through this when I chose my roommates. But it happened, and there's nothing that can happen that would repair it.

But even with the negative things that have happen, there have been lots of happiness, excitement, laziness, and good ol' college fun. I may have not gone on the most dates, and I may have gotten extremely stressed with work/school, but this semester has definitely been one of learning about myself.

Without going into tons of detail, this semester has been a huge growing time for me, not just in my knowledge of secular things, but I have learned and have grown when it comes to knowing more of who I am. I have realized the type of friend I am, the type of person I am, and the person I want to become.

So I raise up my plastic cup full of milk (I have seriously gone through so much of this). Here's to this semester for being some of the worst of times, but also some of the best!

Some of my favorite things this semester:

• Basketball-My team was way fun
• A rekindled love- No.. not a boy.. Peanut Butter & Honey
• Pasta Salad, Vanilla Tart Froyo
• Rock Climbing
• Good Cries
• Lots of Eye-Candy
• English Accents
• Writing a missionary in Africa
• Miniature Cadbury Eggs (the solid chocolate, not the creme filled)
• Spending time with my best friend Brennan.. We've had SO many fun times this semester which will only continue to the next..

Drumroll..... All the pictures!

The pictures I've been hoarding!

After my birthday 5K

Halloween!!

Just Call Me Hermione :)

Sprecher's!

Girl's Night!

My Best Friends- Sarah, Me, Kara

Me and Brad

Christmas Time!

Me and Tiff

Road Trip: Back Through Denver

Back at College! -Me and Brennan