I came to Arizona on a whim because I needed a job. I expected to get close to the family, but I never really realized the impact they would have on me. I spent the last 3 months taking care of children that sure are cute, but the more time I spend with them, the more I realize that I really love these kids. They drive me absolutely crazy at times, and yet the moment they give you a big smile, or say, "Hi Big Kaytlin" with a warm loving smile, all of the crazy things don't really seem to matter anymore.
I thought it would be pretty easy to leave because of how stressful the job has been, but in all honesty, I'm not ready to let these kids go. It makes my heart hurt to think of how much I'll miss out on with them. I've watched these little kids grow a little older. I even got excited when Kaitlin went potty on the toilet! And the boys have changed so much already since I first got here. I have seen them go from little blobs that don't do anything, to little blobs that smile back at you and have the cutest little laughs. I don't want to miss those first words, those first steps. But at the same time, I know I still have to move on with my life.
I want to have a family of my own where I don't just have 3 months with them. I want a family where I get to see all those little moments that are so precious.
That is what I have learned in being here. I always feared that I would fail as a mother. And although all of those fears will never disappear, I've realized that you can only do your best. You'll have your moments where you struggle and you want to give up, but you don't because you can't. I've observed that it doesn't matter how much of a screw up you feel like, your kids will love you anyways. They'll eventually forget that time you were short with them or put them in time out, but they won't forget the time you spent with them playing tea party, or the love that you showed them on a daily basis.
I have a new found respect not just for my mother, but for all mothers and all of the love and dedication they give to their families. It's not an easy job. It's no wonder that there's a day just for them!
But I'm so thankful that this opportunity was given to me here with this family. There will forever be a place in my heart for them. And although I may not know the next time I'll see them, I know that sometime, someday, I'll be able to come back and see what wonderful people they've grow up to be.
