Coming to an end

Tonight as I sit here and contemplate my life for the past 3 months, I can't even express the change that has happened in me. I have to laugh at myself because I think to myself, "How much can you really change in such a short time?" To others it may not seem that I have changed at all. But I know, in my heart there has been a change.

I came to Arizona on a whim because I needed a job. I expected to get close to the family, but I never really realized the impact they would have on me. I spent the last 3 months taking care of children that sure are cute, but the more time I spend with them, the more I realize that I really love these kids. They drive me absolutely crazy at times, and yet the moment they give you a big smile, or say, "Hi Big Kaytlin" with a warm loving smile, all of the crazy things don't really seem to matter anymore.

I thought it would be pretty easy to leave because of how stressful the job has been, but in all honesty, I'm not ready to let these kids go. It makes my heart hurt to think of how much I'll miss out on with them. I've watched these little kids grow a little older. I even got excited when Kaitlin went potty on the toilet! And the boys have changed so much already since I first got here. I have seen them go from little blobs that don't do anything, to little blobs that smile back at you and have the cutest little laughs. I don't want to miss those first words, those first steps. But at the same time, I know I still have to move on with my life.

I want to have a family of my own where I don't just have 3 months with them. I want a family where I get to see all those little moments that are so precious.

That is what I have learned in being here. I always feared that I would fail as a mother. And although all of those fears will never disappear, I've realized that you can only do your best. You'll have your moments where you struggle and you want to give up, but you don't because you can't. I've observed that it doesn't matter how much of a screw up you feel like, your kids will love you anyways. They'll eventually forget that time you were short with them or put them in time out, but they won't forget the time you spent with them playing tea party, or the love that you showed them on a daily basis.

I have a new found respect not just for my mother, but for all mothers and all of the love and dedication they give to their families. It's not an easy job. It's no wonder that there's a day just for them!

But I'm so thankful that this opportunity was given to me here with this family. There will forever be a place in my heart for them. And although I may not know the next time I'll see them, I know that sometime, someday, I'll be able to come back and see what wonderful people they've grow up to be.

My Sister

I am so thankful for my sister and her family. As you know now, I'm in Arizona and I wasn't going to be able to go home for Thanksgiving or for Christmas. Now don't get me wrong, I love spending it with family, but I figured it would be better for me to save the money than to try and fly back for a few days. And I also figured, I'm a big girl, I can handle a couple holidays without being home.

And it's true, I can but man was I excited when I found out my sister would be moving to Arizona and would be here for Thanksgiving and Christmas!! I spent both holidays with her last year and I had a fantastic time. So this year I decided that I'd see if we could do it again.. and what do you know, we are!

So tomorrow I will be driving up to Phoenix to spend time with my sister and all of her family and in-laws. It may not be all of my family, but I love and appreciate her letting me have a little getaway to see them. :)

Technology

Ok, here's the deal. I honestly wanted to write everyday about something that I'm thankful for. And then it happened. Out internet was completely out for the entire weekend. It drove me nuts. So that's why I'm thankful for technology. I never realized how much I relied on it.

Of course I have my Facebook that I check everyday, e-mails, blogs, etc. But I never realized how much I use it for everything else. Much of my life revolves on the internet. If I don't need something.. Oh, let me google it. Oh, I want to know what the weather's going to be for the week.. Let me check my weather app on my computer, that runs off the internet. Even contacting my family. I use Skype all the time! But there was none of that either!

So I am SOOOOO thankful for modern technology, specifically the internet, that helps me get through my days. :)

Perspective

Today I'm thankful to be put into situations that give me the opportunity to learn and grow and develop a new perspective on something that you originally had a negative perspective of.

Today Mary took Kaitlin to her school that she goes to on Tuesdays and Thursdays. This is usually the time Mary takes to get things like shopping or other activities done. She definitely needs the break, and I'm happy to let her relax and get out of the house for a few hours.

I was a little worried because Joe has been having a super hard time lately with his colic and hadn't had the best week so far. But Mary left and Ben was actually awake. I decided I wanted to get some stuff done around my room so I brought him in while I got ready for the day, (which I NEVER do anymore). He sat on his little mat and watched all the toys light up and was so happy.

He was getting sleepy, so I put him in the bouncer so I could straighten my hair and bounce at the same time. He fell asleep and then Joe woke up soon after. He was such a happy baby! I fed him a bottle and he sat and listened to Christmas music with me while I did all my laundry and picked up my room. He started getting sleepy so I put his bouncer in the kitchen by the fan, (his favorite thing ever) He slept there for almost 3 1/2 hours. It was glorious! I got everything I needed to get done.

He woke up as happy as a clam and I was able to spend some time with just Joe and I. And let me tell you, that little boy absolutely melted my heart today. It's days like these that I can see myself having a baby. Where you just sit and cuddle with them. When all they do is look up at you with their big blue eyes and smile and laugh at you. Yep, it's situations like really allow you to have a different perspective on things. I mean how can you not love this little guy? (I guess these moments make all the screaming and waking up in the middle of the night worth it).

Scriptures

Today (but not just today) I am so thankful for scriptures. It seems that no matter how hard of a time you're having, the moment you start doing the little things, (reading scriptures, saying prayers) everything is ok. It gives you so much comfort, and direction. I have no doubt that the scriptures are true. The testimony that I have of them continues to be strengthened each and every time I read them.

And just to further strengthen my testimony of the scriptures here's a quote from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland that hits me every time I read it.

"In this their greatest—and last—hour of need, I ask you: would these men blaspheme before God by continuing to fix their lives, their honor, and their own search for eternal salvation on a book (and by implication a church and a ministry) they had fictitiously created out of whole cloth?... No wicked man could write such a book as this; and no good man would write it, unless it were true and he were commanded of God to do so... I hope I have a few years left in my “last days,” but whether I do or do not, I want it absolutely clear when I stand before the judgment bar of God that I declared to the world, in the most straightforward language I could summon, that the Book of Mormon is true, that it came forth the way Joseph said it came forth and was given to bring happiness and hope to the faithful in the travail of the latter days."

It's technically a string of quotes, but I suggest you read the whole talk. It is absolutely amazing.

Here's to the scriptures, I truly am so thankful.

Sleeping Babies

Ok. So technically for me, it's not Tuesday anymore, but it is in California still.. so this will still count!

Today I am SO thankful that the babies slept well today. Mary was out of the house and it was up to myself and Elisa (one of the other nannies) to fend for ourselves with the 3 kids. It's not so bad if you have just the twins, or just Kaitlin. It's the combination of both.

So, where Kaitlin is still more comfortable with Elisa, I was on baby duty. They were waking up alternately for a while, but then there was silence. No baby was crying. Kaitlin wasn't crying. It was a true napping house. the babies slept almost 2.5 hours, as well as Kaitlin. Elisa and I were able to sit and actually have time to ourselves!!! This never happens I tell you. Not during the day at least.

So we had some girl time watching Dear John and enjoying our lunch with no distractions. I can only hope for more days like this!

The Meyers

I'm so thankful for the Meyer family. They have been such an amazing family to live/work with. They have 3 children that I watch. Kaitlin, and the twins, Joseph and Benjamin.

I moved down to Arizona after getting a call from Mary asking if I was interested in nannying. I was so excited. I had always wanted to nanny and I knew it would be perfect! So I packed myself up and drove down to Arizona. I've been here for a little over a month now and other than the whole working 24/5 (I get Saturdays and Sunday "day" off) it's been great. Mary and I are a lot a like, and we get along great.

They have made me feel so welcome here, as if I'm really a part of their family. We always have good conversations, and have actually had multiple conversations about the church. Will it ever turn into something more? Who knows. But.. I have tried to plant a little seed in Kaitlin. At nights, when I put her down, we always sing "Popcorn Popping". She loves it! I've also introduced her to "Once There Was a Snowman", but it's just not as effective when the girl has never seen snow. :)

But here's to the Meyers: Mary, Dan, Kaitlin, Joe and Ben, I love you all and I'm so thankful for everything you have done for me!

(Hopefully I'll get pictures of them soon.)